


Reflection

by Bulletproof_love



Series: PTSD!Mouse [2]
Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, Caring, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Love, Overdosing, Past, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Sad with a Happy Ending, Soldiers, Suicide Attempt, Veterans, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 20:04:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16919493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bulletproof_love/pseuds/Bulletproof_love
Summary: Jay reflects on the past he shares with Mouse.





	Reflection

Mouse was smiling, not one of those quick, fugitive ones that Jay had gotten used to seeing after they had returned from Afghanistan but a full genuine grin. He could feel the other man’s happiness from across the room, it was in every single one of his mannerisms from the way he rapped his knuckles upon his desk delivering a low, thudding drum beat to the way he bobbed his head to the music from his wireless ear buds. Already he could see the mood was infectious, the fingertips of Antonio’s left hand were tapping out the same tune on the surface of his own desk, his silver wedding band glinting in the light.

Erin wasn’t even hiding her amusement at the situation, her chin was resting on the palm of her hand, her eyes fixed on Mouse, openly watching the other man with a fascinated smile on those lush, rose coloured lips. His baby blue eyes came to rest on Mouse once more as his friend silently mouthed the words of the song he was listening to, his gaze fixated on the screen in front of him.

It had been a long time since he’d seen Mouse like this and it warmed some part of him deep down inside. He worried for Mouse, his concern for the other man far surpassed any of the apprehension he had ever had for Will. Will could take care of himself, Mouse however...

They had both come back from that war broken.

Where Jay had found his calling with the Chicago PD, Mouse had drifted, self-medicating his way through bouts of depression and insomnia until it had come almost too much to bear. He had felt his brother in arms slipping away from him, it was in the frequency of his 3am in phone calls, the despondence in his voice, the increasingly dangerous situations that he was getting himself into. He had been shutting down, withdrawing and Jay knew where that path led. Mouse’s spiral had ended eighteen months ago when Jay had been called out to Chicago Med at two in the morning by Will because his oldest friend had ODed. After that it was an uphill battle before Jay had managed to get him to see a doctor at the VA.

In the end it was the job that had changed things, it was the structure that Mouse responded to, it gave the other man a stability that he had been lacking since Afghanistan. The chain of command and the routine of it all had given his friend more purpose than he had had for a while and Jay thoroughly believed it was part of the motivation that drove Mouse to stay sober. He was coming up to the year mark in the next few weeks and Jay was going to make sure that nothing jeopardized that.

Which is why Mouse’s current behavior was so concerning to him. He was used to the highs and lows, Jay had them himself and he knew there were some days that you were bouncing with energy and there were others where you could barely bring yourself to get out of bed. This though, this was different. Jay knew this look and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

“Mouse is in such a good mood this morning, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this.” Erin’s words yanked Jay away from his thoughts as she flicked the coffee machine on before turning to face him, that sweet smile on those perfect features of hers.

“I know this look.” Jay told her, gesturing to his friend on the opposite side of the doorway with his CPD coffee mug. “There’s usually a girl involved.”

 Erin picked up her own coffee cup before adding the creamer and then the sugar to the mug.

 “That’s good right?” she prompted, glancing at Jay over her shoulder. “That he wants to get back on that horse?”

 Jay said nothing, he simply sipped at his coffee, his gaze still lingering on Mouse as he watched the other man reach for his phone. In Jay’s mind it was like watching a car accident, he knew what was going to happen, but he was powerless to stop it.

That feeling of helplessness consumed him as he watched his friend’s face fall, the smile dying on his lips as they clamped into a thin, grim line instead. His shoulders slumped as he set his phone down alongside his keyboard, his once vibrant blue eyes distant as he turned his attention to the computer once more. That well of emotion was already building in Jay’s chest, he could feel his friend’s anguish from across the room and he resented the person who had done this to Mouse, who had made him feel so dejected.

His body was moving on its own accord, he could feel his instincts surging into action as he came to stand beside Mouse under the guise at peering at his monitor. The cursor wasn’t moving at all, Mouse was simply staring at the screen, looking but not really seeing. Jay’s hand came to clasp the other man’s shoulder, squeezing it in a show of solidarity.

 


End file.
